I was extremely emotional yesterday. The crying didn't end at work. It just went on and on and on. I was going to go to my parents' house for dinner last night, but I just couldn't stop crying at every little thing. So, instead I went home, ate some dinner, and went to bed...at 6pm. I didn't get up till 6am this morning. I slept some, but not as much as I'd have liked for being in bed that long. I'd wake up here and there and be up for about 30 minutes to an hour, then I'll fall back asleep.
I made breakfast this morning. Eggs and bacon. I fixed coffee and poured me a small cup. I couldn't even take two sips of it. I just don't like it, anymore. Which is good, considering caffiene is pretty bad for me in this state anyhow.
I have a cold, I think. It sucks. My head is entirely too congested. I can't stand without feeling dizzy. I cough and blow my nose a million times a day. I'm a little worried that I have fever right now. But I have no idea where to go for this. I suppose if I start to feel worse, I can call my OB/GYN and let them know. They'll tell me what I should do. I'm only hesitant because I haven't been there yet. My first appointment is on July 29th. I also hesistate because sometimes I think I might be a bit of a hypochondriac. On top of the awful congestion, and probably because of, I have a huge headache this morning. And my sides hurt. I just want to get to my first appointment so I can find out that everything is okay. I've never been a patient person.
And my wrists hurt. I think I have carpel tunnel. Really.
And speaking of patience, or lack thereof, my nerves are pretty bad today. I'm not sure that getting off of my medication will turn out to be such a good idea, afterall. But I'm really worried about risks involved with taking the meds. See, if I could just have a damn appointment already, I wouldn't be stressing over this right now. Oh, stress.
This job is SERIOUSLY stressing me out. I'm definitely to the point of dread each morning when I wake up to get ready for work. I have nightmares about being trapped here. I have seriously got to find another job. I can't take this, it affects my mind and physical state way too much in a negative way.
Oh, how I wish I could be a stay at home mom. Pregnancy is a job all in itself! What with all the emotions and stress, it's really wearing. Of course, I already have enough issues that I'm sure it's just that much more intense for me. I guess most normal women can handle it.
I hate not having any money. If I didn't have all these damn bills to pay, I would just stay at home. But, nope, I have way too many bills not to work. Student loans, Credit card (at least that isn't plural), car insurance, car note (I can't wait to be DONE with that in Dec), rent, electricity, cable, bills from ER visit. SIGH. I want to just sit here and cry thinking about it.
I can't keep stressing like this. But I certainly can't seem to calm down this week.
I really do feel very very very irritable right now. I mean, I feel so yucky I could seriously almost tell my boss to take this job and shove it. But I can't. I don't just work for him. Work, work, work.
Two weeks, two days, and I'll be off to Las Vegas. I can handle that, right? I can manage not to go stark raving mad between now and then, right?
I need to get prenatal vitamins and a yoga pregnancy DVD or something. I just need to KNOWWWWWWWW and I'm so mad that I don't know yet. And I don't have money to get those things right now, anyway. I don't have money for one damn thing.
My nerves are escalating downward at an unreal pace. Not even writing is helping right now. I don't think I'll be able to stay off of my medicine.
I need a place to cry.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
When the world keeps coming down on me I let it go!
The shame! I did not make an entry yesterday. Maybe I'll make up for it today by making two posts. Oh, but you shall just have to wait and see. I know the suspense might be dreadful, but you can handle it.
Yesterday was pretty uneventful, for me, at least. I woke up and did my normal AM Yoga routine, made some coffee, took a shower, watched a portion of The Early Show, came to work, went home, cleaned the kitchen and took out the trash, ate dinner, and went to bed. Of course I could fill that in and take up pages upon pages of mundane details, but what's the point of boring you all to death with that? Maybe next time.
I'm trying to decided where to take my bridal photos. There are really just so many options. I know the one fact; I want them to be outside. I've always had an immense love for trees (I rarely hug them, though). Of course, I want trees to be a part of the background. Big, gnarly, old and wise trees! Sunshine. Water. Old buildings. Okay, call me crazy, but I'd be in hog heaven if I could take pictures by a really old abandoned church with an old cemetery. My love for the middle ground between here and there has never faulted. What? Morbid? Aww, c'mon! It would be unique, I bet. Not that I'm striving to be all individualistic or anything.
Oh! One of my sisters bought me some awesome shoes to wear with my dress (as I may have mentioned before), and those have to come through in some of the pictures. R also mentioned wearing the big black boots that are the typical "me" shoe (in actuality, I hardly ever wore them--my slob style always won over the fun side). I may also drag along some of those. At this moment, but only this moment, I sort of regret (oh, I just don't like that word) passing them along to S a few years ago. So it goes!
What if I get my dress dirty while I'm taking pictures? I can think of some fun pictures to take, but it would surely soil my dress! And I can't wait to have it cleaned, again. I'm starting to wonder if I should wait until AFTER I get married to do the bridal session. That way I can take the fun pictures, and not worry about it getting dirty, because it'll have to be cleaned then, anyway. Or, I can always have a session before and after. Hrm. There's a thought.
I'm at work. I know, you're not surprised. Every entry I've made has been while I'm at work. I can't help it. I need this me time to push along the day. Of course, today it's more of a "to get the day going" sort of entry. I've hardly done anything. In my defense, I did do a couple things for work. I'm not a complete slacker. I long for the days of being able to work at my own leisure. Those days won't come without some hard working years behind it, or as it were, ahead of it. I just confused myself, I think.
This weekend we're (myself, B, & K) going to B's parents' place. They're having a small get-together in honor of our upcoming elopement. His aunt and uncle have a nice built in pool. I plan to swim. They can gawk at my enormous hips and thighs if they will, I have no cares. I want to swim and relax in a pool.
I'm actually looking forward to the drive. It's been a while since I just drove for a while. The sun will be out, and I can roll the windows all the way down and blast some good insterstate-driving music. Speaking of, I wonder what ever happened to that cd my brother in law made years and years ago. It was fun. I have fond memories of trips back and forth to Lafayette, singing along with Cowboy Mouth. Except for that time the bird flew into the car and hit the back window. Well, okay, it's not very fond for the bird, I'm sure, as it was ultimately his last memory, but I sure can't help laughing about it now.
I'm trying not to stress over life. Pick up rings, send B's ring back, get B a new ring, decide on location for photo session, apply for new job, find a house, B needs a car, tell my boss I quit when I get a new job...Okay, that doesn't sound so bad. No need to stress! It's been said over and over again, but with an indisposable cash flow, those items would not be in the least bit stressful. Well, telling my boss I'm going to a new job might still be, but that's a different issue all together.
And speaking of different issues, I'm looking forward to my two therapy appointments next week. I'm a bit nervous about the one with the psychiatrist, because I've only seen him once before. I'm definitely ready for the one with the therapist, though. That hour flies by! It really is helping me. It makes a huge difference when you really want the help. I'm getting better! Yay. Make that, YAY! But of course I couldn't do it without my loving and supportive family (and I'm not just saying that because they made read this, I mean it!).
Okay, time for some work.
Yesterday was pretty uneventful, for me, at least. I woke up and did my normal AM Yoga routine, made some coffee, took a shower, watched a portion of The Early Show, came to work, went home, cleaned the kitchen and took out the trash, ate dinner, and went to bed. Of course I could fill that in and take up pages upon pages of mundane details, but what's the point of boring you all to death with that? Maybe next time.
I'm trying to decided where to take my bridal photos. There are really just so many options. I know the one fact; I want them to be outside. I've always had an immense love for trees (I rarely hug them, though). Of course, I want trees to be a part of the background. Big, gnarly, old and wise trees! Sunshine. Water. Old buildings. Okay, call me crazy, but I'd be in hog heaven if I could take pictures by a really old abandoned church with an old cemetery. My love for the middle ground between here and there has never faulted. What? Morbid? Aww, c'mon! It would be unique, I bet. Not that I'm striving to be all individualistic or anything.
Oh! One of my sisters bought me some awesome shoes to wear with my dress (as I may have mentioned before), and those have to come through in some of the pictures. R also mentioned wearing the big black boots that are the typical "me" shoe (in actuality, I hardly ever wore them--my slob style always won over the fun side). I may also drag along some of those. At this moment, but only this moment, I sort of regret (oh, I just don't like that word) passing them along to S a few years ago. So it goes!
What if I get my dress dirty while I'm taking pictures? I can think of some fun pictures to take, but it would surely soil my dress! And I can't wait to have it cleaned, again. I'm starting to wonder if I should wait until AFTER I get married to do the bridal session. That way I can take the fun pictures, and not worry about it getting dirty, because it'll have to be cleaned then, anyway. Or, I can always have a session before and after. Hrm. There's a thought.
I'm at work. I know, you're not surprised. Every entry I've made has been while I'm at work. I can't help it. I need this me time to push along the day. Of course, today it's more of a "to get the day going" sort of entry. I've hardly done anything. In my defense, I did do a couple things for work. I'm not a complete slacker. I long for the days of being able to work at my own leisure. Those days won't come without some hard working years behind it, or as it were, ahead of it. I just confused myself, I think.
This weekend we're (myself, B, & K) going to B's parents' place. They're having a small get-together in honor of our upcoming elopement. His aunt and uncle have a nice built in pool. I plan to swim. They can gawk at my enormous hips and thighs if they will, I have no cares. I want to swim and relax in a pool.
I'm actually looking forward to the drive. It's been a while since I just drove for a while. The sun will be out, and I can roll the windows all the way down and blast some good insterstate-driving music. Speaking of, I wonder what ever happened to that cd my brother in law made years and years ago. It was fun. I have fond memories of trips back and forth to Lafayette, singing along with Cowboy Mouth. Except for that time the bird flew into the car and hit the back window. Well, okay, it's not very fond for the bird, I'm sure, as it was ultimately his last memory, but I sure can't help laughing about it now.
I'm trying not to stress over life. Pick up rings, send B's ring back, get B a new ring, decide on location for photo session, apply for new job, find a house, B needs a car, tell my boss I quit when I get a new job...Okay, that doesn't sound so bad. No need to stress! It's been said over and over again, but with an indisposable cash flow, those items would not be in the least bit stressful. Well, telling my boss I'm going to a new job might still be, but that's a different issue all together.
And speaking of different issues, I'm looking forward to my two therapy appointments next week. I'm a bit nervous about the one with the psychiatrist, because I've only seen him once before. I'm definitely ready for the one with the therapist, though. That hour flies by! It really is helping me. It makes a huge difference when you really want the help. I'm getting better! Yay. Make that, YAY! But of course I couldn't do it without my loving and supportive family (and I'm not just saying that because they made read this, I mean it!).
Okay, time for some work.
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