Not my best moments.

I was extremely emotional yesterday. The crying didn't end at work. It just went on and on and on. I was going to go to my parents' house for dinner last night, but I just couldn't stop crying at every little thing. So, instead I went home, ate some dinner, and went to bed...at 6pm. I didn't get up till 6am this morning. I slept some, but not as much as I'd have liked for being in bed that long. I'd wake up here and there and be up for about 30 minutes to an hour, then I'll fall back asleep.

I made breakfast this morning. Eggs and bacon. I fixed coffee and poured me a small cup. I couldn't even take two sips of it. I just don't like it, anymore. Which is good, considering caffiene is pretty bad for me in this state anyhow.

I have a cold, I think. It sucks. My head is entirely too congested. I can't stand without feeling dizzy. I cough and blow my nose a million times a day. I'm a little worried that I have fever right now. But I have no idea where to go for this. I suppose if I start to feel worse, I can call my OB/GYN and let them know. They'll tell me what I should do. I'm only hesitant because I haven't been there yet. My first appointment is on July 29th. I also hesistate because sometimes I think I might be a bit of a hypochondriac. On top of the awful congestion, and probably because of, I have a huge headache this morning. And my sides hurt. I just want to get to my first appointment so I can find out that everything is okay. I've never been a patient person.

And my wrists hurt. I think I have carpel tunnel. Really.

And speaking of patience, or lack thereof, my nerves are pretty bad today. I'm not sure that getting off of my medication will turn out to be such a good idea, afterall. But I'm really worried about risks involved with taking the meds. See, if I could just have a damn appointment already, I wouldn't be stressing over this right now. Oh, stress.

This job is SERIOUSLY stressing me out. I'm definitely to the point of dread each morning when I wake up to get ready for work. I have nightmares about being trapped here. I have seriously got to find another job. I can't take this, it affects my mind and physical state way too much in a negative way.

Oh, how I wish I could be a stay at home mom. Pregnancy is a job all in itself! What with all the emotions and stress, it's really wearing. Of course, I already have enough issues that I'm sure it's just that much more intense for me. I guess most normal women can handle it.
I hate not having any money. If I didn't have all these damn bills to pay, I would just stay at home. But, nope, I have way too many bills not to work. Student loans, Credit card (at least that isn't plural), car insurance, car note (I can't wait to be DONE with that in Dec), rent, electricity, cable, bills from ER visit. SIGH. I want to just sit here and cry thinking about it.
I can't keep stressing like this. But I certainly can't seem to calm down this week.

I really do feel very very very irritable right now. I mean, I feel so yucky I could seriously almost tell my boss to take this job and shove it. But I can't. I don't just work for him. Work, work, work.

Two weeks, two days, and I'll be off to Las Vegas. I can handle that, right? I can manage not to go stark raving mad between now and then, right?

I need to get prenatal vitamins and a yoga pregnancy DVD or something. I just need to KNOWWWWWWWW and I'm so mad that I don't know yet. And I don't have money to get those things right now, anyway. I don't have money for one damn thing.

My nerves are escalating downward at an unreal pace. Not even writing is helping right now. I don't think I'll be able to stay off of my medicine.

I need a place to cry.

Tossing rocks along the way...

Well, I did it. I submitted my resume for an editor (copy) position. It's through email. This is basically something I would do in my time off from my current job; my night and weekend job. I don't get the whole pay deal. It says, "Five percent book royalty income paid as compensation for content editing work." I assume that means payment later rather than sooner. But my main goal in this is to see IF I even like that sort of work. And on top of that, I really doubt I'll be seriously considered for it, since I have absolutely no experience in the workfield with that. I have done that sort of deal while I was in school.

I also got off my ass and printed out some state applications for a couple different state jobs. Well, three to be exact. Two at ULL (would love to work there--hello free graduate classes), and one at the University Medical Center in the Radiology department. All secretarial work, of course. All three jobs offer (1) more money and (2) benefits! I could also get direct deposit there! I miss direct deposit. It sucks running around after work and over the weekend trying to get my check cashed or deposited. It was nice when it would go through late on Thursday nights. I'm really hoping that I could get one of these positions. It would be SO MUCH better for me than what I'm doing now. Working at the university has other benefits as well. As I so vaguely (hah!) mentioned before, I could take free classes! I would completely love that. I can use their recreation center for exercise and swimming and what not. I think it'd be cool, anyway. It could be another job straight out of hell, for I all I really know.

The hospital I wouldn't mind working for, either. I'd probably get to wear scrubs, and that takes a lot of guesswork out of getting dressed in the mornings. Simple, and usually pretty cute (since I've been into that whole girly cuteness lately). We shall see!

I'm (finally!) going to the jeweler at lunch today to get my ring resized. B needs to get his resized, too. It's about a half size too big. I'm not sure if I should stick with the 7.5 or go down to the 7. The 7.5 is a little loose, but not too bad. I'm just afraid of my hands swelling and it not fitting. BUT in the winter, and when my hands get cold, it could just fly right off. I better go with the 7, which means I need to resize both my wedding band and engagement ring. Oh, fun, fun, fun.

I was going to get B a wedding gift, but then K pointed out to me that I've already bought the wedding ceremony, plane tickets, and room for the whole thing. I don't think I need to do anything else, really. So, that's that, at least. No more expenses to stress over there. I am, however, letting other expenses stress me out. Bills, bills, bills. The story of all our lives, I'm sure.

I really don't get how people live, sometimes. It's just unreal. We need another vehicle and a house. Anyone care to donate to the cause? Of course not, you're all poor, too!! And then I turn on the TV and see millions of dollars being paid for PICTURES of babies. I just don't get it. How did it get to this? It does no good to complain about it, I know. Celebrities will continue to rake it all in without lifting a freaking pinky, while we all slave away at work. And I'm sure they had to work somewhere along the lines. They're just better at selling themselves. I guess they deserve a cookie. I just wouldn't mind a little nibble once in a while!